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When a cast iron dish hits a ceramic tiled floor neither one comes off particularly well.‘Isobel. you really must be more careful. The dish is easily replaced but who knows if we can even get another of those tiles.’‘Screw the tiles, you stand there in motorcycle leathers tell me you’ve retired. What is this some sort of midlife crisis? When were you going to talk to me about this?’‘Well, I wasn’t really, I didn’t think it was your concern. Just like you obviously thought that you fucking Eric was no concern of mine.’Now that one really did strike home, she wavered and had to hold onto the island unit for support. Almost there, now for another blow.‘Of course you know that Tom and Helena are divorcing. I must say that took me by surprise, they were like love’s young dream when they moved in three years ago.’It was almost a whisper, I had to ask her to repeat it.‘Do you know why?’‘Sally didn’t know for sure. all she could give me was rumour and you know how much I hate spreading. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to protect my body from further damage. Knowing this gives me hope that.
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