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I was panting with need. Every breath I took feltheavy. My skin was on fire.They cheered. I blushed. This. This is what it feels like to be a girl.To be loved and admired, the yin to that overwhelming sea of yang. Thiswas validation. I pulled it off. I had never been more content in mywhole life. I wanted to just bask in that glow, but my body was still sohorny, so demanding.I rose to my feet and gave the crowd a little curtsy. Do I take themoney? There was so much of it. I gathered up what I could, thanking theboys as I did, then I snatched up my top as I rushed back behind thestage. I needed to get to a bathroom and work off this steam, or talk toEllen about it or something. Would she understand? How do you evenbroach something like that? How do you tell the love of your life thatmaybe you really really like it when a swarm of horny anonymous guysobjectifies you? She was open minded though, maybe she'd understand.As soon as I got behind the curtains Ellen was all over me. "Baby!". She was tall, an inch taller than me, blonde and beautiful,with a killer body. Don't get the wrong idea, I would never have achance with someone like her (me being small and thin for a guy) and Inever felt that way about her. She was my friend and after the funeral,my best friend. Plus, she was pregnant with my now dead brother's child. It was around 6 months after the funeral that I was over atLaurie's house watching a movie with her that we got to talk aboutthings. I had a few beers in me and was starting to open up to her moreand more. We were talking about old stories involving my brother, whenthe topic of my seeing a shrink came up. It must have been the alcoholtalking, but I told her everything about my visits to the shrink. AfterI told her, Laurie just sat there looking surprised; I wanted to get upand go, thinking she was mortified when she said: "Do you still feel like that, like you want to be a girl?" "No" I said but I couldn't look at her when I said it, insteadlooking at.
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