Train

My work day was overloaded - like usual, I dropped my coffee and stained my shirt, ripped a stocking and the guy I've been trying to be semi-serious with is only interested in having a lay. Now, after being unable to decompress on my own, I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of Chardonnay and my largest - and favorite of late - wine glass while I try to write away my sorrows and frustrations. So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking. The camera really did love her too, and the pictures came out looking fantastic.I would look at the photos and find myself fantasizing about her doing some of the things in the story. I would stroke myself while picturing her telling me all the different ways she wanted it. How much she wanted to touch another man, or be touched. How much she wanted to expose herself. Every time I thought of this it brought me there almost instantly. A few weeks after our photoshoot I was hanging out with a friend smoking some weed and watching old reruns of the Simpsons. He was talking about his latest Tinder hookup and about how he never planned on settling down. Really no one wanted to settle down with him, they just wanted a quick fuck.He pulled up his phone and showed me a few pictures he had taken with some of the girls. Some were sucking his dick, others were just showing off their tits. One was a video of him fucking this girl hard while she moaned out in a way that I honestly thought only.
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