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He kept it in his night stand. I would read them, The girls were so beautiful. The stories were so erotic. I masturbated, I fantasized, maturbated again. But, I was just a teenage boy.In college, I had a great time. Partied, had my share of girls.... What is known today as a “fuck boy”. I was very honest about who I was and what I wanted from them. Also, during this time I slept with a guy. He was one of my best friends. He was gay. I, well It really confused me at times. But in the end, I just used him for sex... sadly looking back I wasn’t honest with him, or myself to be honest. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. Toward the end of my time in college I met my first wife. We dated, had a long distance relationship, and I moved to be with her. We dated a long time, I didn’t have a real career, and I wanted to buy her the big ring, have a “real job”, etc... I loved her, and she was beautiful, strong, and smart. I always felt like she was going to leave me... in the end, I left her.... ' 'No time,' says Jo indistinctly, hermouth full of biscuit. 'I don't suppose you've seen my cap, have you?' 'Your what?' 'Cap , 'says Jo, patting the top of her head. 'No.' 'Bugger.' She takes another biscuit, eats halfof it, and takes a gulp of tea. 'When did you last have it?' asksHelena. 'Saturday.' 'It's not in your room?' 'No.' 'The coat-rack?' 'No.' 'Did you look?' 'Obviously I looked.' 'How about in the back hall?' 'It doesn't matter.' 'It does matter.' Helena watches her sister finish thesecond biscuit and reach for a third. There's chocolate on her face. Hershirt is rumpled, the collar sticking up at an angle. 'You're a complete mess,' says Helena.'Why do you bother being a Guide at all, if you make such a poor job of it?' 'You know precisely why.' Jo is seventeen — nearly eighteen — andin her last year at school. Whereas most of her friends left the Girl Guidesseveral years ago — if they were ever Guides at all — Jo continues,every Wednesday.
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