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During the few days my mom spent in the hospital I was shipped off to my maternal grandmother's house a few miles down the road and endured her endless chatter and bad jokes when she drove me to school each morning in her creaky 1950 Ford. She evaded my questions about what had happened to my mother, but I figured it out when I overheard her telling a neighbor that "the baby died."It was with deep concern that I came from school one day and Grandma told me she was taking me home because my mother would be out of the hospital that afternoon. As we drove and my grandma lapsed into another awful and unmemorable country joke, I felt some hope that perhaps the unfortunate incident would somehow narrow some of the distance between my family and myself. Waiting for Mom and my stepdad to show up, I paced the living room floor restlessly until I saw our tan Ford arrive shortly before sunset. Mom was in a bathrobe and overcoat and my stepdad, now treating her with more deference and attention. So most of girls go through their teen years desperately longing for a clue. Desperately yearning-as only teenaged girls can yearn-for The Answer, searching for the thing that will make the boys look at them like they look at Carrie Newell, head cheerleader and all-around favorite girl.Then, if they're lucky, somewhere at the end of our miserable teen years, the penny drops, and the girls Get It. Carrie Newell wasn't born like that. Carrie Newell doesn't roll out of bed looking like God's gift to wet dreams. So, they sit at their mirrors and take stock of their good points. They experiment with honey-blonde rinses and Cover Girl blusher, they stop eating Mom's mashed potatoes, and they start practicing. They wink and giggle and flip their bangs back until they, too, know that the boys will be slavering and sniggling, and although they protest and stomp their pretty feet, inside they're thrilled to find out that their name is included on the "girls we'd do" lists that the boys pass.
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