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It means no sleep! Norest until when? Tomorrow? The next night? The next? But now, the onlything I am aware of when I awake is a firm hand covering my mouth. My eyeswiden to take in the dim light. My body curls protectively away from thesource of my entrapment. Another hand is on my thigh, pressing me deepinto the bed, trying to prevent my violent thrashing...I gather my wits,relax my muscles, and look up. Your eyes are staring back at me. I am not dreaming anymore. I amafraid. You don't wait for me to change my mind. Scooping up my body into yourarms, you pause to cover me with a sheet against the cold. Oh, myGod...the things that are going over in my mind...all those lostconversations when I told you I would not be afraid, that I would do allthe things I had promised, that we could find a place to get lost...andhere, now, you are stealing me away from my life and I am afraid. Not ofyou, but of myself. My own dreams, urges, sensations...what I am cominghome to, IF. I told her with a chuckle, “I promise I’ll try to be as unlike you ex-husband as I can.” That evoked a laugh from Joan. “I’ll try to win you over.”Joan said, “You’re already way ahead of the curve. I like you – a lot. I can’t wait for Saturday.”We parted and I headed back home to do some client work. I had no qualms about taking over two hours for lunch with my new friend. I had about twenty thousand hours of comp time stored up; of course, it was my own business. I’d been and still had tendencies to be a workaholic during presses at my own consulting company, and had been known to pull all-nighters occasionally to get a large proposal or client deliverable out the door on time and in perfect condition.When Penny got home from school, she barraged me with questions about the lunch date. She not only wanted to know everything we talked about, but also what I thought about her and what I thought the prospects about her in the future might be. She was pleased that I had a Saturday dinner.
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