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"I'mnot wearing a skirt or a dress tonight. One, its winter and pants willbe warmer. And two, I'm going with a bunch of my old guy friends. I wantthem to see that I'm still the same person on the inside, and wearing askirt isn't going to help me accomplish that." That's fine, Honey, but I want you to at least do something with yourhair and maybe a bit of makeup," replied Mom.I let out a loud sigh of frustration. "Mom, I am not wearing makeup!" You won't even notice that you're wearing it and I'll keep it nice andlight. If you think it's too much when I'm done, then I'll help you takeit off." Alright." I decided I would keep on the jeans I was already wearing,but Mom insisted I wear a different top. I rejected the first two topsbecause they showed off my boobs too much. I suggested just wearing atee shirt and Mom agreed, after I compromised for a like, pink one.Since it was cold out, I figured I just wear a jacket to cover up thetop."Okay, Laura, hair first, and then makeup." Mom. I'll sneak in some real cookies and milk this year.Speaking of last year, I'd like to talk to you about last year's present. I appreciate the fact that you were thinking of me and don't want to seem ungrateful, but I must admit to some confusion. I just don't see how the 150 pairs of jockstraps could have possibly been intended for me. I just know that somewhere in the world there is a football team running around commando. Perhaps there was an error in the elf processing center or something.In order to head off such an error, I've decided to write a little earlier than usual. Did you like the bunny stamp I used? It's so hard to find one this time of year that isn't wearing shamrocks while fireworks burst over a pumpkin patch.At any rate, here's my most wanted list for this Christmas. I'd like to begin by saying that, while I haven't been a good girl ALL year long, my husband assures me that Santa likes naughty girls too. In fact, several times during the year, he has specifically.
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