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I'm just glad that there were other women in there." She began to unwrap the package.Sabrina and I were both watching her intently. She pulled out a beautiful blue teddy with satin sides.Carol motioned for me to come closer and held the vivid satin against Sabrina's face, "I wanted something to bring out her beautiful blue eyes."We all walked to the lighted mirror. Carol asked, "What do you think, Sabrina, did I match them?"Sabrina sniffled and held the garment to her face. "Yes, a perfect match. The color is perfect and the design will make me look quite sexy."I couldn't help it, "Yes, and your pubic hair won't even be visible!" I went back to my room.After they finished their mixing and matching, Carol came to my room and put her head on my shoulder and her arms around me. She was sniffling. I turned the chair around and took her on my lap. She held me close and said, "I'm going to miss her. We have become very close. I feel like a part of me is being taken away."By then, her tears. As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I.
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