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Yet overall she seemed tobe encouraging! She'd noticed how I smoothed my skirt under my butt asI lowered myself onto the couch. And how I'd arranged myself to sitprimly as I anticipated her expressions of disgust, perhaps an ultimatedreaded declaration that she was leaving me. She'd seen how my kneeswere pressed together and my insteps curved fetchingly by my dressyheels, how my ankles were crossed -- positions I'd observed in otherwomen years ago and taught myself to emulate. The whole point ofdressing like this was to feel like a woman, to persuade myself for ashort time that I was one, to act as if I were seen to be one.Preferably a lovely woman, exquisitely feminine.These days I could easily persuade myself! I did feel like one.Especially when I caressed myself as one. Exercise, and those naturalhormones I'd indulged in for years had grown a bare suggestion ofbreasts, and sensitized my nipples, so I felt marvelously justified bythem. Whenever I stroked those breast. I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him.I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus.
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