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“Yeah. Thanks.” she simply said. She began to get out of the car, as did I.“Do you need… do you want any company or anything? Are you okay?” I clumsily asked her as she began to walk back to the house.She looked puzzled. “Why would I need that?” she asked me.I shrugged. “I dunno. In case you want any. I dunno.”She looked at me weirdly. “I mean, if you want to hang around I won’t say no.” she replied coolly. Detachedly. I sighed and tried my best to hide any disappointment on my face. “Sure, sounds good.” We both made our way back inside, with Chris bringing up the rear. I turned around to smile at him, trying to communicate my dissatisfaction with this whole thing without saying anything. The way he smiled back let me know that he was feeling pretty similarly.As soon as I closed the door to Molly’s room from the inside, I sat down on the bed and threw my head into my hands, sighing deeply.“You okay?” Molly asked, a little distantly. It hurt, even after all this time. She could at. I didn’t take any action that day, but the seed of an idea had been planted. Here was a city, only a twenty minute train journey away, where I could be Christy again with no one knowing about Christian. And so the following Friday I headed straight to the station after my morning lecture. I didn’t have any girl clothes, but it was a hot September day and a lot of my wardrobe was purposefully androgynous. On the train I headed to the toilet, where I slipped off my socks, rolled up my skinny jeans a few inches to show some ankle over my cherry red Converse and styled my black bobbed hair into something more feminine. It wasn’t a transformation, but for me it was liberating to feel that little bit more girly again.From the station, I headed straight to the canal district where I spent some time wandering around and getting my bearings. I had a coffee in a cool café-bar which sported a rainbow flag outside, took a deep breath and then set out on part two of my expedition – to head into.
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