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It took them almost allmorning to get everything done. And the operator kept saying things like"Oh, your hair is so beautiful. I know girls that would do anything tohave hair like this." Sure lady, but I'm not a girl, and I really wouldlike to have my hair a lot shorter. No changing Mom's mind, though.After they were done with me, I had to admit that it did look prettyspectacular. Like, it's a very light shade of blonde, really thick andglossy and straight - hanging almost to my waist and swaying back andforth as I walk. As we were walking out of the mall, I could see anoccasional person, usually a guy, turn and look at me. That felt kindastrange, but also kinda good in a weird sort of way to have guys look atme like that.JuneMom told me that my hair looks so much nicer now that I really shouldhave some better clothes to wear than the standard jeans and a shirt orblouse that I usually wear. So we did our usual shopping expedition tothe mall. She took me in a number of shops, mostly. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in his mother’s arms. Although his mother was the one who beat him, she was the one he knew. He was used to her. He wanted to remain in familiar territory.This story illustrates our relationship to our own egos. The ego is our pain, but it is what we know, and we resist moving out of it. The effort it takes to grow out of painful patterns often feels more uncomfortable than remaining within them. Personal growth can be painful, because it can make us feel ashamed and humiliated to face our own darkness. But the goal of personal growth is the journey out of dark emotional patterns that cause us pain, to those that create peace. Psychotherapy: Purpose.
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