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The weird thing was, that was how I felt too, in that moment. We couldhave been a couple, that guy and me, If I had been real. But I wasn'tthen. I am now.That was when I first had an inkling that I might not really be the manI thought I was.No. That is not right. I have never been that man.Now, looking back, it was like for the first twenty years of my life Iwas trapped in a gorilla suit. I thought that I was a gorilla. I beatmy chest and grunted, and dragged my knuckles along the ground, becausethat is what gorillas do. I never looked for the domes on the neck orthe zip in the back to take that damn suit off, because I was a gorilla.I thought I was. Everybody around me thought I was.That night was all it took. Once that I had found that I could take thesuit off, I never wanted to put it on again. I wanted to burn thatcursed gorilla suit on a bonfire and dance around that fire in femalenakedness.When you need to perform as a gorilla you can put the suit back on andmake. We spent the evening before in the shower trying to clean various forms of sugar, syrup and other stickiness off each other, but there was no hot water heater big enough in the world that could accommodate the kind of good, clean fun we had gotten ourselves into. I lay in bed half awake and half dreaming about the way Rick’s hands glided all over the contours of my body with his wet, slippery, soapy hands. I thought about way our bodies slid in synch under the spray of water. I got lost in the memory of the way his wanting cock slid inside of me over and over again as he had me pinned against the tile wall and the way the constant stream of my love juices spilled out of me. I wished I could have drifted off to sleep against his moist naked body last night and woken up next to him this morning, but maybe it was best I didn’t. I had to get up to clean the mess I’m sure we left in the kitchen and on the patio last night. It was barely past the butt crack of dawn and Mom was already.
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