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Heaven help me, but I was curious about Gavin’s cock, and the other men’s as well, so I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to at least see Gavin’s hard cock. In case any of them wanted to look down on me afterwards, I could always use the excuse that I was drunk.It still took some courage when I said, “Okay, Gavin, you’ve talked about it, so now let’s see what you’ve got.”He pushed his chair back from the table and said, “Okay, man, but if you want to see it, then you have to do the work. I can hardly believe that you’d do this, but you need to get on your knees between my legs if you want to see it.”The other men stood up and circled around to watch, as I got to my knees in front of Gavin. I felt like I was someone else, outside myself looking down, as I reached out to unfasten his belt and pants and started pulling down his zipper. I looked up and saw his conquering smile as I finished pulling down his zipper, and then he lifted his ass as I pulled his pants off and down below his. Every moment with him was so wonderfully ecstatic I would wish for it never to end, and so exquisitely painful I would want to die. I had to juggle the two sides of my relationship with him - the sexual and the platonic - and only let one of them out at night.Every night, since I was about twelve, my last words before I fell asleep were "I love you, Andrew," as if, somehow, he could hear, and reciprocate. It was all I ever wished for.***So when he told me his secret, I couldn't tell him mine. I was supportive. We stayed up, and we talked, and we hugged. I held back and held back and held back, until I actually started to feel dizzy. We hadn't held each other like this since my confession, and I was going insane just keeping myself from crying. Because I knew then that I could never have him. Ever.He'd explained to me that he was going to go all the way; take hormones, have voice lessons, electrolysis, the whole lot. He was, he said, going to have surgery.For a moment I'd entertained.
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