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I doubt my answers, hoping they are what he is looking for when I used to just know. Just last night he said, “You’re too emotional, relax slut” but those words alone were enough to send a fresh stream of tears down my cheeks. He knows me, inside and out, through and through, as if no time has passed between us and I ache to belong to him again. In my heart, I know that I never stopped belonging to him … that even in his absence, he was here with me. But I still long to proudly wear his steel again, to have that something that I can reach up and grab a hold of and be reminded in some small, self-absorbed way of being able to physically be reassured that I am, indeed, his. I think of the things he has noticed and pointed out to me already, small changes that I hadn’t really noticed myself but once pointed out, embarrassed because it was true. Speaking first person comes to mind quickly because even writing in this forum, I speak it but now, because he pointed it out to me, I am more. When we got there my father came charging out with my mother and brother close behind."You're staying with us," he bellowed. "I'm not going to let you spend another day with that bastard until he gets help." The rest of the family was shouting similar sentiments."What are you talking about dad?" You don't have to hide it from us Sandy. He told us what he did."Oh no. Not again. "What did he tell you dad?" He told us about the fight; how he hit you and you might not be able to come because you might have cracked a rib." Johnny, this is too much. You can't do that to my parents, to my family. This has got to stop." I just wanted to see how they would react if they thought I was abusing you. I didn't know if they would come after me or try to get you away from me or if they would just pretend it didn't happen unless you decided to discuss it with them." You can't do that to people. It's cruel." Jesus, Johnny, you're a whack job," said my father. Then he laughed.Sure, go ahead and.
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