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“Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there.” “They don’t like that in heaven,” God said. The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Costco either!”1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn’t!2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.9. I’m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.10. Out of my mind ... Back in five minutes.11. God must love stupid people; He made so. You’ve grown our UK business significantly, and I think you can do the same here. I wanted to see how you handled yourself under pressure, hence coming to that presentation, and having spoken to a number of my contacts over here, you have really made a mark in such a short time”.“In that case, my answer is obviously a yes”“Great, lets celebrate” and with that she ordered a bottle of champagne. We drank and talked business, opening another bottle of bubbly and then another on top of that, and both getting slightly drunk. The direction of the discussion gradually changed, and she started asking me about my personal life. I was still sober enough not to say too much, but I clearly said enough for her to say “So you prefer older women. That’s interesting”. I just said I liked all women, and changed the subject. I certainly hadn’t noticed that the time had clicked beyond midnight, and it was only when Dianna said she was tired from all the travelling, that I realised how long we’d been.
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