Even If He Didnﾒt Want It, But To Me, ﾓnoﾔ...

It was a terrible boomto Jenna encased inside. Though she only felt an indirect impact she shuddered incomplete fear. She shook and struggled as the spectators laughed at the shakingPinata.=======================================================“Hit it again. Hit is again Hit it again.” Jenna could hear voices screaming.Jenna shook in fear, totally helpless, waiting.“Whack it.” Jenna heard the stick whistling through the air.Again the stick hit the Pinata full force with a terrible sound. Jenna tried to scream but gagged couldonly let out a grunt. She twisted but there was nothing she could do.“Yea yea yea. Again. Hit it Again.”She felt someone grab the Pinata swinging it wildly. Back and forth sheswung, higher and higher. The pain in the arms and shoulder was so intense. She swung back and forth encased inside the Pinata unable to see but hearing the laughter.She heard all the taunts. “Hit it again. Hit it again.”“WHAAACK” Again a hit even as the Pinata swung.The Pinata. I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the.
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