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My mind kept returning to a simple two things that she'd told me. The fact that she didn’t feel like she deserved to be in a loving relationship, and the fact that she had sex with one of the re-enactors in the regiment we were part of. She was talking about who would be going to the muster and what I should expect at the event. She let slip a titbit of information she hadn’t before told me. The man she had slept with was married and his wife was meant to be coming. My mind was a blur. I started to feel insecure, nervous. I struggled to find topics of conversation. All I wanted to do was tell her how I felt about her. All that ran through my mind was that this was going to be a long weekend. After setting up our tents we set up for the night at the living history area, where the few members of the regiment were, we started to drink. Silence. Awkwardly comfortable silence permeated the group. Slowly conversations started to develop, my mind was slow, but the alcohol helped me to lose. I would feel like a trespasser. I felt like I had no right to go forward and sell myself for the all mighty dollar.I thought I was made of better stuff than that. I had a plan, I wanted to work in Marine Biology and be involved with ocean research. I wanted to be hands on. I wanted to travel and see the rest of the world's oceans and I wanted to grow and succeed on my own merits. My Grandpa had taught me that a man stands on his own two feet and takes care of those he loves and cares about. That is the way I had been brought up and I couldn't just say to hell with it all, and make a complete change in who I am without a good deal of thought and reflection.So, I headed over to Al and Bernie's place and we made plans for the next days fishing and spearing trip.I thought that the next couple of days of labor and doing something that I really wanted to do would give me some time away and time to get my head back on straight.When I got to the guys' place, they told me that Grace had.
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