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I remind myself what I’ve already come through, and try to be mindful that if I could survive that, I can literally survive anything. But I’m tired. I’m so tired. My soul is drained, and there’s nothing left to give. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good. "Keep going, deep breaths, ride the contractions."Tabitha panted and yelled as her body tensed. "Ride the contractions," Adam parroted. "Deep breaths. Do you want the gas?" He didn't wait for Tabitha to reply, grabbing the face mask and putting it over her face the moment her contraction stopped.She gasped as she took a few lungfuls but her respite was short, her body strained as another contraction hit her. "It's coming," she was told."Ya hear that," Adam told her cheerfully. "Nearly a mother. How cool is that?"The midwife shook her head as Tabitha's body rested for a few moments. "Nearly there, few more pushes Tabitha." Nearly there," Adam told her and squeezed her. "Nearly there." Adam shut the ... ahhhhh Christ," Tabitha shouted and her face screwed up, as tears flowed down her cheeks. "I can't do this." But you are doing it," Adam replied instantly. "Nearly there. You heard the midwife," he said reassuringly. "Nearly there."Tabitha shook her head. "I can't, I just can't." You're.
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