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I could only nod."So how're you feeling then?" she asked, concern obvious in her voice."Confused," I answered simply."How so?" she asked."It just, well, I don't know who I am anymore. I have the memories of Jason, the body of Stephanie, and a mind that's some abomination created by that device. I don't know how I'm supposed to act or feel. I feel like I've lost myself, but how can that be when I don't even know who I am?" How about this, you just act how you want to act, and feel how you feel. Memories are just remnants of the past, nothing more. You needn't be concerned with them anymore. Your body is your body, and shouldn't dictate how you behave either. You are who you are, does anything else really matter?"She was right. The answer was so simple yet it kept eluding me. I was who I was, and that was it. The past was over, and the body was just a shell of who I was inside. Neither was important anymore. All I needed to do was be the person who I was now, and live life the best way. Trying to contemplate my next move seemed senseless and yet necessary at the same time. It had been so long since I had given myself even a flicker of a thought and had only worried about what was best for ‘her’ or what would make ‘her’ happy, but damn it I wanted things too and I wanted to smile again. I had been content at some point in my life, at least I thought so at the time, otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I waded through the freshly fallen snow with thoughts flowing in and out of my consciousness, but they had absolutely no direction. It wouldn’t be long before I would be turning 50 and I hadn’t worked in years, so if I did leave what in the hell would I do? I could do many things, just nothing that carried a degree with it. Basically I was uneducated and that pretty much would leave me on the streets. The notion seemed unthinkable, but there it was in a small little bundle at my feet. Everything I owned was in ‘her’ name because it was easier that way,.
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