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Anyway since then Ethan has been looking a little.. I dunno man-boy to me. The shit I used to think was confidence now seems like lazyness, his bravado seems like dim-wittedness. I know he hasn't changed. It's the same him, the same shit, but I'm different now. It feels dissonant; frightening. Like I thought I knew what I wanted, and it wore a leather jacket and smelled like engine-oil and booze, and rode motorcycles with a devil-may-care attitude, and bent me over those motorcycles and fucked me with that same devil-may-care attitude. But now it all just seems a little... adolescent. Small. Ethan, me, all of it.So when he held on to my wrist with that shark-tooth grin, all fucking drunk and stanky, not letting me go until he got what he wanted.. I think I wanted to feel that again. I wanted to feel.. smaller. I wanted to feel like everything was normal, and Ethan knew what he was doing, and what he was doing was my mouth. So I dropped to my knees, and nuzzled into his crotch. I felt. I was entirely amused knowing that she was just playing with them and trying to make me jealous although we both knew there was no future in our physical partnership.I accidently ran into the American girl Anne at a well-known hotel just moments before I was due to make contact with some courier from Beirut with unknown instructions. It was unexpected and I was immediately suspicious about her intentions. I began to wonder if she had set me up in the pub and was now ready to pounce on me with all the power of the international anti-terrorist squads determined to eliminate all threats just like me.My conclusion was that it was just an unfortunate coincidence and that the girl had no ulterior motive except perhaps to open her garden to my cock one more time. I could see it in her eyes and the way she ran her delicate fingers though her decadent blond hair. In order to get rid of her before the contact came and reneged on his assignment because I was talking to an unknown female, I.
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