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Boys especially, werelooking at me differently, but even some of the girls seemed to be moreaware of my existence than before, even though I had returned to a more"tomboy" look.But the biggest change was internal. Once I had relaxed, there had beensomething freeing in being "pretty", although it was somewhat frighteningas well. I found myself hoping there would be other opportunities to dosomething like that again.What would have been forbidden or at least severely frowned upon when I wasa boy was now not only allowed, but celebrated. I could be "girly" if Iwanted to be - after all I was now a girl.And I admitted to myself that I wanted to be - at least some of the time,although I still wanted to be practical in my clothing choices.And after a couple of boys had approached me, I could also admit that thebig reason why I turned them down had to do with already having someone inMelody rather than a lack of physical attraction to boys - or at least someboys.And I could live with. “Derby,” she said, “can I talk to you where it's not so noisy?”“Sure. We can go outside. Let's get refills on our way out.”When they were away from the worst of the noise, Anna said, “Thank you. You didn't have to do that.”“Yes I did,” Derby said. “It makes me furious when someone is disrespectful to someone I like. That jerk had no right to do that to you. And besides, well,... it's just that,... oh, forget it.”“What is it Derby?” Anna asked.“Nothing. I don't want to talk about it. It's just,... well,... it brought up a bad memory.”“Tell me, Derby,” Anna said, taking his hand in her own. “I'm a good listener.”Derby said nothing for a minute, leading Anna over to a back corner of the yard and inviting her to sit with him on the grass under a tree. He turned on his well-rehearsed act, staring off in to space, his face turned slightly away from her, until he was able to work up some tears in his eyes.“When I was a senior in high school, I had a girlfriend. She and Todd had.
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