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She ripped the envelope open.A handwritten sheet was on top.Clara, I’m sorry to give you this in a situation that must be distressing to you. I love you and I loved your mother. Please forgive me for not giving you this information earlier. I thought I was doing the best, for you.AntoninShe turned to the next sheet. It was a note from her mother – to Antonin.Antonin, my love, I can no longer live with myself unless I tell you about the man who is dear Clara’s father.I was living near the Chernobyl electric plant, as you know. In the days after the accident, I met a man. He was very handsome, and I was just a young girl – very impressionable. He was broad-shouldered and narrow-waisted. I was lost in his arms. He said that he worked in the damaged plant, and that maybe I was poisoned by the radiation. I was scared.He reassured me that I was to live for decades. We shared meals, we sat together in the evenings and just talked. Eventually we went to bed together, and he was wonderful. We. The look of horror on my boyfriend’s face when I told him I was pregnant. His futile attempt to deny that it was possible. The look of disgust on my father’s face the last time he spoke to me. No, not the day he died—the day I told him I was pregnant. The minister’s lecture during my wedding on the evils of sex before marriage and how it tainted those who couldn’t wait. The high-fives Jesse got for nailing me. Lying alone in the hospital in the agony of childbirth.And the one glimmer of light in my life: my daughter.NO!I almost shouted it in the church. I wouldn’t do this again. I’d kill myself first.And then what? Wake up to start the whole nightmare over again?Maybe ... just maybe ... this was an opportunity to do it right.All I needed to do was decide what would make it right.Fuck!I was a forty-two-year-old woman trapped in my seventeen-year-old body. My head knew all kinds of things jumbled together in a mad chaos of experience and inexperience. I’d spent twenty-five years.
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