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I had Marianas Trench blasting when my phone rang. "Hello, mother," I automatically said as I answered my phone. "You really need to stop doing that, you know it scares me," she barked back. "It scares you that I have caller ID, you should really try it sometime," I replied. "Now don't be smart, Sugar Pea. When do you think you will be here?" she questioned. "I'll call you back when I know." I hung up. I made the rest of the drive blaring my favorite songs. I pulled around the bend and saw the oh-so-familiar well and the big old sign with my family's name on it. I pulled up and saw my mom sitting on the porch. I got out of my car and my mom literally tackled me. For a 65 year old woman, she's got some skills. "Hi Mom," I said. "Welcome home, Sugar Pea. There is food on the counter if you're hungry," she replied. "Thanks, Mom," I said as I walked inside. Of course my mother had my favorite, spaghetti and garlic bread. I made a plate and when I was about to sit down to eat, in walked. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous.
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