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“I have no idea,” I admitted.“Yes, you do!” Jill cut in.“They convinced me that people are interested in what I have to say,” I said. “Now that I’m actually here ... it’s a ridiculous idea.”“No it isn’t,” Vicki told me. “I like you. You’re ... normal ... like me. It was cool that you wanted the fans to send donations to help people.”She glanced over her shoulder again.“That one would want to have every single flower put in her room so she could tell herself how much everybody loves her,” she continued. “She’d throw the cards into the trash because the love is only one way. But you are answering cards and letters. I’ve seen your website. You actually interact with the people there. It’s way cool. She has a fan club where the members pay a hundred bucks a year for an autographed picture or something. For a hundred bucks a year, I’d send them her used underwear or something.”“We’re ready for you in makeup, Miss Hart,” the women from earlier said. Regina Hart turned and saw me talking to. I kept looking at mom and all I saw was a quizzical stare. I knew I was failing miserably. I kept stumbling over words that described the more intimate situations. Finding words that would clearly explain everything and not offend her was becoming very difficult for me. Mom listened attentively until I finished botching my first attempt to impart my knowledge in the subject area.“Those are very colorful names, but I can’t fully grasp what you are trying to explain. Can you demonstrate?”“Demonstrate?” I asked, sounding confused.“Yes, demonstrate. Pretend you are having sex with me in each of those positions and show me what I need to do. A demonstration is a very effective teaching method.”I detected a bit of a rebuke in her voice because she felt she had to explain the obvious to me.Mom stood up and said, “Come with me,” as she headed upstairs.I followed, wondering what I had gotten myself into. Maybe I should call up a porn site to show mom. Nope, bad idea Theodore. They don’t make.
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