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And basically every time we met, we had sex.I learned a lot in the bedroom over those six weeks. I learned to find Tina's clit reliably, and how to bring her to orgasm. Once I figured this out, I did my best to make sure she came at least once every time we did it, but amongst the things I didn't learn was how to figure out if she was actually cumming or just faking it. (Not that a cock is a fine sensing tool anyhow.) Faking seems more likely than the alternative, which is that she was orgasmic enough to cum basically every time, even from penetration during missionary. But I don't see why she would've faked it in the first place. She claimed my cock (which curves downward instead of the normal direction) was perfect for her in that way. And, since I don't know any other facts or truths about the situation, we'll leave it at that.I learned that I prefer using my hand to bring a woman to orgasm than going down on her. As it turns out, I'm not as fond of the taste of pussy as I thought. Every time someone tells me I am brave or strong I want to vomit on my shoes. I hate being a good woman. I hate being a good wife. I hate that it’s all I can do, that it’s all I know, that it’s all I can ever be. Every day is another regret. Every night is another fantasy of escape. Each time I leave my house, even if it’s just a visit to the grocery store or coffee shop, I cry at the thought of returning home. Panic takes my body. My heart feels like a bird who beats its wings against its cage. My heavy limbs drag me back, always back. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to drive into the nearest tree, stay on my side of the road, or not go flying off a bridge. I think the worst is when people tell me that they envy me, or that they wish they had a marriage like mine. I want to shake them, to slap them. I want to tell them what it feels like to be trapped by a room full of toys and a pile of towels on the bed. I want to tell them that marriage is nothing but a Sisiphean.
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