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Why did it bother me that she also enjoyed being appreciated? Her response to Sandy was just what I needed to settle my mind. ‘I wasn’t out there rubbing my tits in anyone’s face. Once in a while it’s just nice to prove to myself I can still turn a few heads. Mark tells me all the time that he thinks I’m hot but he has to say that. Sometimes I need to prove to myself that he’s telling the truth.’ I was worried I wasn’t enough for her, and in a way I was right, but it was just because occasionally she needed something that I couldn’t give her. Just like I occasionally need a night out with the guys to blow off steam. I could live with that and that realization allowed me to put to rest the fear, jealousy, anger and inadequacy. I was left only feeling lust as I remembered how she looked that night. It reminded me that my loving, beautiful wife and the mother of my children was also first and foremost a woman. I never forget that but I too often see her as a wife and mother before. "Do they tell you to be calm before your exiled? Gonna be all right under the goddamn bridge?I tried to talk and croaked instead. "Uh... I don't know what to say... I didn't... " Didn't plan this?" Plan it? I couldn't have imagined it!" Then I looked at her and added, "I don't know what to say." Try starting with the truth, why don't you?" The truth? You KNOW the truth. Jean told you the truth. It's true, what she said. Except that she took too much responsibility for what we did. I was the one that was pushing it all the time." Billy, Billy... I'm not sorting out who did what. And I'm not attempting to apportion blame. It's not a blame thing... at least as far as I understand it. But I need to know more. That's why we're talking."I glanced at her. She gave me a soft smile and squeezed my forearm. I still didn't know what to say so I did what I did best. I just sat there like a lump."Son, I always knew I'd have these personal talks, these talks about sexuality with Jean and I suppose.
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