MOM
Her fingers found mine, as she leaned her head against my chest."How old are you?" It took you that long to ask again?"She poked me in the ribs, none too gently. "Well?" Do you remember what I said?" That you changed the subject?" Before that." The part about being either a 17-year-old freshman or a 27-year-old professor?" I've been the former, though I probably won't be the latter." Being twenty-seven or a professor?" Chances are that I'll be both, just not at the same time." So you're a grad student." And almost twenty-three, to answer your question." She thought for a second. "Was that why you picked 17 and 27?"I ran my hand through her hair. "Few people would have picked up on that." Don't change the subject. Why couldn't you just say you were twenty-two in the first place?" When you get to be my age, you start appreciating the moments when someone thinks you're young enough to get carded."Brief silence."I-" Where-" I'm sorry. Go ahead."I felt her take a deep breath, her body. I said that my mistake had lain in, ‘trying to effect a change in someone else,’ but that makes it sound like I was trying to break her down and rebuild her in my own image. Really I just wanted to make her want to change herself. How much more noble that sounds! I went inside and puked until every muscle in my back felt like it was going to tear itself out through my skin and dance away in a waltz of pain. Staring at what was left of my stomach all over my hands and in my hair, the idea that I had to get a new hobby struck me with amazing clarity. I rinsed off my hands and went into my room to stare out the window. Seven in the morning and everything is painted with the blue of dawn. All I want, right now, is to fall in love, hard. I want to lose myself in a girl, to live on the smell of her skin. I’ve spent my whole life falling in love with women ten minutes at a time, as I walked down the street or sat in restaurants. But I’m looking for something requited, something that.
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