My Slutty Aunt

She had taken after their father’s side of the family. She was stunning, and she knew it. She had blown through four marriages, and was on the prowl again. Nancy begged Jane to come with her. She even paid for the trip with her settlement from husband number four. It would be a sister bonding time. After all, Jane was single now, too. Jane’s thirty year marriage had ended last year. She had come home from work to an empty house. Literally empty, except for pieces belonging to her family, her husband cleaned out the house, and their bank account. Kind soul that he was, Dan did leave a note telling Jane his twenty-eight year old girlfriend was pregnant and he was going to do the right thing by her. It was as if he had shoved a knife in her heart. Jane couldn’t have children and in the back of her mind, she had always felt inadequate. She guessed the vows made thirty years earlier meant nothing. So, she was left alone to start over. Just what does a mid-fifties woman do? It would. Four days later, I timed my arrival so I would be right behind her in line. ‘Martha! How are you doing?’ I asked, very upbeat. She turned around, smiling. ‘Hi Allan! I’m good. It’s nice to meet you again. If I didn’t know better, I would say that you are stalking me.’ Oh my God! She is coming on to me. This might just be easier than I thought to get close to her after all. ‘Oh, but I am! It has been such a long time since I met a woman worth stalking, and there you were, splendid, classy, and wonderful. As a matter of fact, I have a GPS tracker in your car. It makes stalking so much easier.’ I was smiling from ear to ear, not only to appear friendly, but also laughing inwardly at my statement of the truth. ‘But you know what?’ I asked while digging in my coat inside pocket to retrieve a fake business card. It read ‘Dupuis Inc., Allan Smith, Researcher.’ I handed her my card. ‘My cell phone number is at the bottom, just in case my GPS tracker quits on me. So if you phone once in a.
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