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Intense pain only endured and sought because of the warm soothing joy of the opium-based pain-killer that washed over me afterward. The agony followed by the ecstasy.More than once in my more lucid moments I wondered ‘how the hell did we come to this’, ‘how the hell did Jill and I end up here.’Jill’s promised to share her feelings in the next chapter, so I won’t guess at her emotions. The one final thing I’ll say is that we did share some surreal moments. When more than once she caught me staring at her and Chris as they shared some intimate, special ‘just the two of them’ moment. And she’d look up and our eyes would lock together, but there would be some sphinx-like quality to her expression whereby I couldn’t fathom what she was thinking or feeling. After twenty-four years together, I’d prided myself on being able to read and understand Jill’s feelings and thoughts. But in those moments when she looked back at me, it was like there was a barrier. There was a part of her I could no. You made the bed you are now sleeping in. By the way, where are you staying," I asked? "I need an emergency telephone number from you." I am renting a dorm room for now," she said. "It's very inexpensive and all that I need. The number here is 555-3108. May I talk to the children?" For your information I told them that you have not been feeling well and that you will be away until you feel better. They seemed to accept that. What are you planning to say to them? " I'm glad you worded it that way to them. I am sick about what has happened and that's something we can both agree on," she replied. "I just want to tell them that I love them and that I want them to help you around the house by doing whatever you ask them to do." Okay, Colleen, but don't upset them," I told her. "When you're finished talking to them, hang up. I will need to put them to bed. I'll call you back when I've done that."I called the children and they came running. I told my daughter, Jill, to go upstairs and get.
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