Indian Fucked

"When we turned into what was our destination my heart sank. Anothercemetery. The last one had been quite traumatic enough. I had a sneakingsuspicion why we were visiting this one. Yes, coming here today was myfault, but I'm sure this visit would have happened at some stage in mylife, either at school or after I'd finished."Do you know where the grave is?" I asked."Of course," she said. "You don't think we'd have made this trip unless Iwas prepared."We parked in a mostly deserted car park and followed Rachel, who expertlyguided us. "Well, this has changed," she commented."Let me guess, you saw the grave while doing the background researchbefore offering me the place."Rachel just smiled. "It was a rather unvisited grave last time I came."There were flowers and a little sign saying, "To the sister I onlystarted to know. I wish I'd known you longer."I started to cry when I read the sign. Obviously mum had started to dealwith the death of her sibling, rather than ignore it. I wonder how. – – – – – Weeks passed with no further back-pushing, street-stumbling incidents and I started feeling slightly safer. I didn’t stop looking over my shoulder and I kept searching for some sign that my husband wanted to be rid of me, but I really couldn’t tell between the quickly snapped instructions and the standard criticism that was always bordering on ridicule. But perhaps the fact that I was getting older was enough of a reason? If it had been difficult to mask the thoughts running through my mind before, the storm of feelings I was now fighting all the time made it nearly impossible. I jumped between feelings of sadness, pain and anger and feelings of happiness, friendship and love. And all of those sentiments were intense and somehow frightening, because I wasn’t used to sensing basically anything, except the deep fear that was still my constant companion. With the weeks passing, a few Thursdays had come and gone and I now had several techniques for breathing and relaxing that I.
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