Jungle M Mungal
"Well, now what?" I thought.I went and found a pair of woman's flat shoes, and decided I wouldpretend like I was a female member of the crew on a day off, and do whatI would think she would do. I went and watched a movie in the movietheater, and then had lunch in the food court, and finally, went back tomy quarters to think about my day.I struggled for a bit, and finally admitted to myself that I had enjoyedmy day, that in fact I couldn't remember the last time I had been sorelaxed without needed crippling levels of alcohol.Then I took a look at my life up to that point, and realized that for allthe time I had spent being a man, I had in fact been playing the part ofa man, rather than being one. I had taken "manliness" to an extreme -living on lauger and spicy Indian food, going out of my way to be asrowdy and messy as I could manage, all as if it was a role I felt I hadto succeed at, or something horrible would happen to me.But now, with no one to judge me, I could let that persona. Last night I had wanted to apologize, but more importantly, I had wanted to hear how he felt, even if his declaration was as horrible as him telling me he didn’t feel the way I did. At least then I would have closure. After finding the darkened cabin empty, I had sat there by his door for an hour. I hadn’t been waiting for him, but I felt closer to him, sitting there on his porch. It sure was better than lying in that awful bed back at my cabin, which I eventually returned to. There was still a good amount of the afternoon left when my parents and I returned to the cabin. The family spent most of the day packing and relaxing, as we would be leaving early the next morning. No one was really in the mood to do anything fun. It was raining, and the events of last night had quickly put a damper on the enthusiasm my family usually showed. Everyone around me was being sickeningly nice, and I hated it. They knew how miserable I was, both from the trials of yesterday and the fact that I was.
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