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Every lustful sexual thought I had was gone, and the threatening feelings of losing him began to enter my heart. I was completely unnerved….upset…and scared. When I heard the cabin door open near 5 pm I sat up and said, “Chris”? I said it in the most excited, scared, sad, needy tone I have ever used in my life. When a second later he stood there at the opening of the bedroom door I moved onto my knees and waited for him to say something to me, so relieved he had returned. He looked tired and sun burned, always so handsome, put together, and slim I thought.“Chris…were did you go…are you okay”, I asked desperately wanting to hear his voice. Chris collected himself enough to say, “I’m sorry Jenny, I just…I don’t know…I freaked out. I couldn’t stay here and watch him with you. I know I said I could, but…I don’t know…I know it’s all weird. I met Paul’s friend Rich, like we had talked about. We played Safe Haven at 8:30 just like we agreed. I need space…some time I guess”. I. He asked if I was in the areaoften, and I told him I could come back regularly if he wanted more. Hetold me his work schedule, and I agreed to come back on those days.As I left the check out girl waved me over to her. "I can hook you up withothers if you would like," she said, "my name is Marsha."I gave her some cards with my contact information and asked her to passthem out to guys who might be interested. She agreed and asked me, "dothey all taste the same?" No, I replied, "but there is a lot of similarity." But you really love the taste?" she asked."Every drop of it," I said. I left and walked down the street. I watchedthe faces of people as I drew close. Most didn't seem to notice, but a fewsmiled when the saw the spade. I kind of like the fact that theyrecognized me as a cocksucker, but still found no connections. I continueddown the street and a middle aged black man approached me and asked, "youlooking for some cock?" Yes I am," I replied."Then come with me," he said.He led me.
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