He used me -- but he was clear about it and there wasn't any sadism or unnecessary brutality and his attitude wasn't nasty or anything -- he even complimented me afterward! No, he was putting me in my place; I wasn't in charge here. He probably could have TOLD me that twenty times, but it wouldn't have been as effective as what he did. Mama thought he was mean and rude -- but she missed the point. The Decurion is all about not getting caught up in things he can't control -- and relationships are one of those things. Either he is in charge, or he is out. I got it. I went back into the room where he was and knelt and said, "I'm done, Master." Good. You can hold my towel." He beckoned and I followed him back to the bathroom and sat on the toilet while he showered. I was a little surprised that he didn't want me in there with him, but again, it was all up to him. When he shut off the water I stood and was ready to dry him off as he stepped out. He stood still and let me do it -- and by. The man might want more of a relationship than I was willing to offer. The risks were unacceptable. Where do I find him then? I'm a woman. I don't go out looking for guys. I do go out with Maya and Kannan sometimes. But what would they think if I met a guy and went off with him? They might be my friends, but I'd quickly get a reputation as a complete slut. They say a girl can get laid anytime she wants. Definitely it is a wrong judgment. Moreover I have to keep it as a secret also. If I were to do this, it would have to be with someone I found appealing. Suddenly my wild thoughts started to centralize on Kannan. Finally I found the answer to my crazy thoughts. But the relation between us worried me a lot even though in Kerala marriage is permitted between us. [Murapennu] But I was afraid to take first step since I was not ready to spoil a nice relation. So I decided to discuss this with Maya, next weekend.Luckily it just happened quite naturally as well as beautifully as I fantasized.
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