Three hours later, both boyshad their brown hair bleached blond and elegantly permed. They keptreminding themselves that their friend should hate it, but they couldn'tstop admiring themselves.The girls split into teams of three each. They plucked and shaped theboys' eyebrows. Sam was sick watching Mark put on mascara, eye shadow,blush and lipstick, but Sam just couldn't stand himself without it. Thatwas the way they always wanted to look. Mark's makeup highlighted hisbest feature, his big blue eyes.One of the girls went to the kitchen and came back with some ice cubes,a potato and a large needle. "Slumber party tradition," she told Sam asshe pierced his ears."Sam, what are you doing?" Mark shouted, gagging at the sight of hisfeminized friend. But he knew he looked normal with makeup and permed,bleached hair."Don't call me Sam," his friend shot back. "They're turning you into afag!" He couldn't understand why Mark was acting so weird. It was themost natural thing in the world for him. I hurt often and needed to escape, but I found ways to escape which weren't so self-destructive. The prison psychologist would be proud of me. He called it the grand substitution. For me it was a man, a woman or a dildo. Well not always, sometimes it was just looking at pictures of Country Store before I put my hand to it. So I guess you could say I found my release in some of the same things Roland had. He could never know that, but it was true nonetheless.I put another log on the fire and realized why all the stoves at Church Camp were wood. The act of keeping the fire going kept one engaged in the real world. It was something that regularly had to be done to stay at least somewhat comfortable. It was just another thing to keep me from drifting into an alternate reality.The first night of the mission I went to the Internet to find a man to stimulate my body's endorphin pain killer. It probably wouldn't help a gun shot, but an open wound to the psyche did help to scar over, at least.
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