He stood for a moment allowing me to store this mental image of my stepbrother, naked and erect, in front of me. I freely admit, now ten years later, I can still see this magnificent image in my minds eye as clearly as if I were looking at a photo; and the image excites me still.Although I was consumed with shame and guilt, I knew that I could not refuse Gary some release. After all, he had just given me one the most powerful orgasms I had ever experienced. It seemed that he needed to ‘release his seed’ before he burst. His penis was so very rigid, it looked as though it might hurt. I felt an obligation, and a desire, to assist Gary with achieving some release for his ‘raging hard-on’ that he got while stimulating me. I felt an incredible closeness, and affection, for my stepbrother at that moment. In a very real sense, with our father dead, and our mother in her drunken abyss, Gary and I were all the each other had in the world at this moment. I felt a level of closeness and. Then she said, "This is so unreal.I can't believe it. What do you think your father would have said aboutall this? She asked."I don't think he would have understood. Hell, I don't understand itmyself. But I've lived with it for a very long time and I've had toexcept it as best as I could. Do you think it's been easy for me? Do youthink I wanted to feel this way? You act like I've done somethinghorrible to you. I haven't. It's been done to me and I can't change it.I've tried, believe me I've tried. It's a part of me and it's NOT goingaway. Each time I suppress it, it becomes stronger. And when I finallygive in and put on a dress, it feels wonderful and I love it even more." I'm sorry, it's just a lot to deal with all at once, but I'm trying,"Pat said."Do you think it's been fun for me, hiding this and living in fear thatone day the people I care about in my life would find out and bedisappointed in me?" I didn't think about it that way," he replied."No one does, all anyone does is.
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