All the blokes I’ve gone out with are losers, or they wouldn’t be going out with me. My sister married a loser, and she’s got loser children.”Her mother begins to react, but Daniella continues, “I’m not judging, I’m a loser too ... But I don’t want to be. I want to be special. I want to be on television.” She pauses, looks at her mother, then looks down at the floor. “I want to have sex with a dog ... Mum ... These lot are from ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’.”Her mother is silent, wide-mouthed, but silent.“So are you going to have sex with a dog on television because you want to have sex with a dog, or because you want to be on television?”Danielle smiles, a nervous smile, glasses back up her wrinkled nose, “Both!”Her mother is appalled. “You’re not having sex with a dog under this roof!”We note that we are meeting the dog at our offices in Manchester. There will be no bestiality in this house.Her mother stands. “Well I don’t approve of this!” She storms out.Danielle looks up at the. "Maybe you're right," she whispered. "Can we meet tonight?"I glanced at my schedule out of habit."Yeah, sure," I told her. "What time?" Any time," she said sadly. "Now?" Uh, how about half an hour?" OK. Where?" The house?" I asked."No!" she said loudly. "Not the house. Definitely not in that house."My eyes widened."Neutral ground?" I offered."Where are you staying?" she asked."I got a place in Heilman Arms," I said."Can we meet there?"I sighed."That would be fine," I said. "But, you know, most of what we're going to be talking about is in the house. Don't you think it would be better to be there in case we have a difference of opinion on who gets what?" Eventually," she said with a sigh. "It will probably come to that. Right now, I just want to think of the good times in the house. Can I have that for while? Please?"I didn't remember all that many good times in the house to be perfectly honest. Mostly I remembered petty disagreements that led to full-fledged fights."Sure, Gail," I.
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