I became angry at myself for being so scared of every little thing in this world, for being a wimp, for only having the courage to touch him when he wanted to hear my words too. God, it was so frustrating to see how stupid I have been. Stupid, stupid little hang ups that just make me unhappy, that make us unhappy. ‘Damn.’ I said aloud. ‘Damn. Damn. Damn!’ The remainder of the week went in the same feelings. For the life of me I could not understand why it had been so difficult for me to speak my mind. Such a little thing as that seemed like the biggest hurdle. I felt like I didn’t know the person I was last week, timid over such an issue. Having such a shift happen in the way I thought didn’t change the fact that I kept walking around the flat with half full luke warm cups of tea. That is when I could find a cup anywhere. He came back after that week. I was relieved to see him standing in the doorway, It was the longest week of my life. I hadn’t slept well at all and I had missed. Oh honey,you've always looked so nice in dresses, right from when you were alittle boy. I never told you this, but all those in-between years, whenyou were just my son, I secretly wished I could see you in a dressagain. You've always been so pretty, with those huge brown eyes andthose long eyelashes. I really thought you should have been a girl." That's what your employees said too." It's working, I thought! This wasfascinating stuff.She laughed, "A lot of people did. Sometimes I wonder if people thoughtyou were a girl all along, and you just preferred to dress like a boy."Now it was MY turn to laugh. "Until I started to blossom? That's funny ...but hey, that's not a bad idea! We could tell people - you know, peoplewho know us? - that I was all mixed up as a kid, and I didn't figure mylife out till I was in my teens." Believe or not, Sandra, that's what Philip thought we should say." You're kidding - he DID? Well, that figures - he just wants to makesure his friends don't think he.
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