No boyfriend to worry about across the country, no worrying if he had found someone better. But another image crept into her mind, a faceless guy, maybe one who lived across the hall from her. She imagined watching movies in his room, and studying with him as they groaned about their professors.She smiled, starting to get excited. See, she told herself, aren't you glad you never killed yourself? That would have been so lame, she thought. My life is just beginning.She tried to picture herself married, to yet another faceless guy. She imagined herself in the grocery store, maybe running into her old high school boyfriend, Ryan Harper. They would be cordial, and talk about their jobs and their spouses. And their kids.Then she would go home to her family. See, she thought again, my life is just beginning. She forced herself back to her work, pushing thoughts she didn't want to hear out of her head.Jen took a break from studying to watch The Late Show and get something to eat. She was. With his big arms around me I felt so small and whenhe kissed me I remember how I had to tilt my head so far back that I wasleaning back into his strong hands as he held me there teetering in myfour-inch heels. He was in total control as I allowed him to kiss me asI accepted his tongue. I never knew how wonderful it could feel to bekissed like that and I didn't want it to end.I felt so safe with him as he led be around the gardens as he held myhand and kissed me again on that bench in front of the other people. Ididn't care what anyone thought because all I could think of was beingwith him and how he was making me feel.When he drove me home I had a moment of anxiety when he pulled hismassive truck into our driveway and parked. I remember how conflicted Iwas and didn't know what to do. All I could think of was Dani's textsaying that he knows my secret and to have a good time. I wanted him tocome in and stay with me be but I was frightened. I remember how shockedI was when I.
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