I mean, I’m still me. At the core of my personality I can be very narcissistic, but I made up my mind that I was feeding that piece of me at the expense of my ability to care about others. I realized at the moment of Linda’s death that I loved her and cared for her far beyond what I ever showed, and I felt ashamed and angry at myself for being such a fool. Does that make sense?”“Sure it does. You suddenly saw the cost of your negative interactions with others and how it not only impacted them, but affected you.”“Yeah.”My tears were streaming freely now.“So, my first thought after learning of her accident was reprehensible. My second thought was overwhelming regret and grief. My third was the deep desire to trade places with her. Knowing that was impossible, my fourth thought was to change for the better, even though it was too late with Linda. I owed that to her.”“And to yourself and your kids.”“Yeah. So I’ve started that healing process with my son and daughter. It will take some. Being the new guy, everyone, it seemed, wanted to be my friend. I was plied with drinks and bombarded with questions, mainly about what I thought of my sexy female co-worker. Come two o'clock, each and every fantasy of the half a dozen other guys I shared the department with had been imparted. We shared a common bond: we all wanted Eve.Sat opposite, Eve was given the task of teaching me the systems and working practices and generally taking in hand my initial training. There were, of course, other things I wished she'd take in hand and I soon found myself embroiled in the kinds of fantasy my fellow colleagues indulged in. As the first afternoon wore on, it became harder and harder to contain myself. I craved so much to touch her, I had to link my fingers tightly together on my lap. A dual purpose, they concealed a raging erection.As the days went by quickly like passing trains, things became ever harder. Seemingly a perfectionist, Eve had office chic down to an art form, each day.
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