It was like she was royalty and I was a serf. She noticed my record collection and started leafing through it.In those days, Bossa Nova was popular, and I had a good collection of that wonderful Brazilian music. It turned out that Martha liked it also, which gratefully gave us something to talk about that didn't cause my tongue to twist into knots. I put on a Joao Gilberto record that she hadn't heard before, and we were sitting on the sofa listening to it when Roger emerged from his bedroom. As they headed out the door, Martha turned and said, "Maybe I can come back sometime and we can listen to more of your records." Uh, sure, that sounds great," I managed to squeak, knowing that it would never happen.It hadn't taken me long to fall in lust with Martha. I had so far resisted any feelings of jealousy toward Roger, but that night, as I sat there alone in our apartment knowing that he was out having a good time with her, I started to feel a certain amount of resentment toward the guy. He started laughing."Okay okay. I'll play along. Are we going back to calling you Lenny now?"he laughed again. "Anyway, we need soda."He went into the guest bedroom and I stood there trying to figure out whathad just happened. Was *I* now Lexi? I went back to the computer and satdown to do some more photo surfing. Maybe I could learn more. I did. Idiscovered a blog I had been keeping entitled, "My Long Journey -- Lenny'sTransition into Lexi". Holy crap! The blog explained my journey, eversince high school, of counseling, taking hormones, and starting to live asa girl. My writings confessed that my goal had been to live as a girl, butnot to go all the way with gender surgery? I was a "non-op".I grabbed my now-pink wallet and checked out my driver's license. It stillhad an "M" in the gender box, and still listed my name as Lenny. So, Iobviously had not completed whatever process was required to change that.But now I understood more of what was happening to me. I was definitelychanging.
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