Who was this other guy? Is that who I should have been? He actually looked like me -- like the big brother who the younger one can never quite compete with. Perhaps sensing my discomfort, he said, "But then there's this," and I saw next to the real me a much less appealing man -- the dissolute ne'er-do-well of my imaginary clan."That's you on a traditional Russian diet."I asked if he could describe the advances -- what had led to the improvements and what would lead to more. "Schwartz-Feingold Hidden Markov Models" was the first in a long list. The algorithms are beyond the comprehension of more than a couple dozen experts worldwide. But I did get the picture that there were still plenty of interesting ideas to try and he was confident of further progress.I tried to think through what it would mean to have accurate pictures -- to know what your baby will look like at the age of 50 -- or 90. I asked about predictions for old people, and I thought I saw his face darken for one brief. “I think I’ve figured everything out,” I said. “Well, as much as I think I possibly can. All of this is my fault, and I’m the only one to blame. I’m responsible for what I did, and for seriously damaging our relationship. I understand my motivation and why it happened, and I hope you’ll forgive me.“It all comes down to a deep-seated fear that making love with you would change us in ways that we couldn’t predict or control. It was one thing to talk about it and plan it, but a very different thing to actually do it. As the time got closer, my subconscious panicked, afraid that by following through on what I had promised, I would ruin things forever between us.”Stephanie squeezed my hand as a way of encouraging me to keep going. I took a deep breath and let it out.“I was conflicted because I had given you my promise to do exactly what you wanted. At first, it was grudging, but eventually I accepted it, then, in the end, embraced it. Or so I thought, at least consciously. But my.
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