Now I was depressed. I had to do something.That night I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Then I experienced an epiphany. Someone had said once that if you turn your play into work, you'll never have to work a day in your life. I knew just what to do for her. One problem solved; now I only had one more to work on. That one would take a little more soul searching and was a lot more unpredictable.At breakfast, on the morning of her birthday, I asked her,"How does it feel to be eighteen?"I got the reaction that I was hoping for."Terrible, I know you're going to send me away, that for me the program is over."I could see the tears welling up in her eyes."Please don't cry. Get dressed; I want to go for a short drive."She returned twenty minutes later, casually dressed, freshly scrubbed, and already asking questions."Where are we going?" You'll see when we get there."We got into the car, and drove the five miles out to the main shopping area. We called it four corners because. You might have had the time to learn thebass. If only you'd have just hopped back onto that saddle at least onemore time.You read all the time about suicides, people with hopeless, tough livesthat feel that everything is gone and that it ain't ever gonna comeback, ain't ever gonna get better. But there are also the people thatdecide to die because they have too much, and they are too successfulnow. Their thoughts "Why have I been so lucky?" Bothering them to thepoint of embarrassment so profound that they decide to check out in casethey are discovered to somehow be a fraud. Strange thought but verytrue. But that's for someone with a diploma in psychiatry to ponder,not me.So, here I sit, sad and wondering just like Zamir Gotta, your Russianfriend who is knocking back the vodka shots between tears now and yourgood friend chef Eric Ripert who will always wonder "why" whenever hecan work his thoughts past the horrible and indelible memory ofdiscovering you hanging from a shower rod..
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