Member of the church council, free mason, chairman of a couple of societies in the 'do-good-business.'"Hans P." as he was called in town, was married to Claire, a rather well preserved lady of 40 years. They only got one son, who had moved to Copenhagen to study law. Not much out of the ordinary there, I should say. But you see, Hans P. had a secret passion, or rather, he had a few. Claire's parents had moved to Spain for the warmer climate, and every other month Claire would fly down to visit them, usually for a week or two. Every night she was away Hans P. would draw the curtains, get naked, put on a heavy makeup, and dress in the sluttiest lingerie you could imagine. And hours on end he would masturbate, while looking at himself, dancing with himself, looking at pornographic pictures or videos, or he would join chat-groups on the internet and indulge in wild cybersex with likeminded men - and a few women. And that was his second passion: Women. Small women, big women, young women. Is this how you asked Lee to marry you? In a sub shop?”Sam looked at the floor sheepishly as he answered. “Well, actually I asked her at her parent’s house, while we were watching a football game.”“A football game!” Tina demanded incredulously.“Yeah, it was at Thanksgiving, so it had to have been the Lions. I asked her at halftime.”Tina simply shook her head in disbelief. “I had to fall for Mister fucking Romantic. Jesus Christ, Sam, a football game? And now a sub shop?”Sam looked down at the crumb-swept floor. “Uh, you want me on my knees or something?”Tina simply shook her head and decided to let him off the hook. “No, Sam, you don’t have to kneel on the dirty floor. Just marry me.” She laughed at the sudden look of delight on his face.“Jesus, you had me scared there. I thought you were going to say no,” he admitted.Tina wadded up the remains of her lunch. “Come on, Sam. Hurry up. We have to buy me an engagement ring and then go back to my place for some really great sex.”“Hmmm ....
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