“And, well, I was kinda curious and wanted to see if I could, well, maybe be part of it.” She looked sideways to the other girls, then smiled and shrugged. “Oh well,” she said. “You’re a little late for that, they finished about 20 minutes ago. Charlotte’s off for the rest of the evening.” I nodded. “Hm,” I said. “is it possible to talk to her anyway? Just so I can maybe be there next time?” I smiled my sweetest, most innocent smile and even managed to look a little dumb, like someone who has no clue about these things. She looked at me for a moment, then said: “Ah, okay, why not. You know her room?” I shook my head. “Well, it’s upstairs from the entrance, fourth on the right, number 27.” I thanked her and took another sip from my glass, then grabbed my things and walked out.I went upstairs and knocked on the door she described. “Yeah,” I heard someone say. “I’m sorry,” I said, stammering a little. “I ... ah ... I must’ve missed the ... I heard about the party today and ... someone. My body, as twisted as it was, is male, and my soul, my sense of self,however you want to say it, is female.And there's nothing I can do about it.So I keep busy and try not to think about itDoesn't always work.But I keep going anyway.Up until a short time ago, I've never told anybody about my problem. I'vealways been afraid they would decide I'm so broken I can't be trustedwith my job.But recently I managed to find someone I could trust to talk to.Helva, "the ship who sings" herself.I cant even describe how much of a relief it is to talk to someone aboutthis.It all happened a week ago ...Helva had arrived at my city's spaceport, and once the day's bustleslowed down, I risked having a conversation with her after listening toher talk about her new "brawn" which is how the men and women who partnerwith ships like Helva are called.Helva had some bad luck with her brawn partners - the first one died onher, another was a complete jerk, another was mentally scarred. But she'shit the jackpot.
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