"Does she prefer women?" Well, she's never had a girlfriend either," said Caroline. "But shedid have a boyfriend in her first year. The relationship wasn't asuccess. I think he was emotionally abusive towards her, and she wasless self-assured in those days than she is now. It ended badly.Floods of tears, that sort of thing. I spent a few long nights tryingto console her." And she's never been in a relationship since then?" Not so far as I know. Certainly not here. She told me once that herparents wanted her to marry an Indian boy - an arranged marriage - butthat she was resisting it. I don't know how things stand now."I absorbed this information. Perhaps if I could find out more aboutAvanti's past, I might be able to get a better idea of what made hertick. But no - any thought of an encounter with her must now be out ofthe question."I'll speak to her," repeated Caroline. "I'll let you know what shesays." And with that, I had to be satisfied.++++++I didn't see Caroline. ” She was growing bolder, more animated. “Just listening to you talk just then turned me on...this is so wrong, I shouldn’t be talking about my life...I’m sorry.” She did look sorry. She looked so uncomfortable that her mouth had betrayed her like that, voicing her personal response to what I was saying. Embarrassed, she looked away again, but I’d already noted the darkening of her eyes. Need. I didn’t know how to respond, so I again tried to make a joke. “But you’re not telling me you haven’t had an orgasm in 18 years, are you? I mean... you can take care of yourself... right? Eighteen years... a person would explode!” I was fully aware now that we shouldn’t be having this conversation, but somehow I couldn’t leave it. I wasn’t attracted to her, but I felt this need to look after her. She’d become an important part of my life. I guess this is what therapists mean when they talk about transference. She was helping me in my life, I guess I felt I owed it to her to listen if she.
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